It's true: I get a lot of my mothering support and advice from a great little online forum for women, including a lot of new mothers.
Some women there have coined the term "other mother," used as a verb, as in: "Ugh, I totally got other-mothered by an old lady at the bank who said Petunia was too fat and I should really watch her weight," or "Holy other-mothering! My sister-in-law told me not to dress Bobby as a cat for Halloween because it's too girly and will turn him gay."
Well, I've been lucky enough to pretty much just be a spectator in that conversation, until today.
Today was my first really bad experience with an Other Mother. It was a grayish, gloomy day, but unseasonably mild, so I decided that we'd take a nice long walk before it gets really cold tomorrow. We hiked all the way to the post office across town. I had Lea in several layers of clothes, and held snugly against my chest in a wrap-style sling. By time we were almost back home again, I was sweating.
So as I turned onto Walden Road, this car passed me, then slammed on the brakes and reversed. I figured the woman was going to ask for directions. Instead, when she rolled down the window, she asked, "Um, are you ok?"
Me: "Yeah, I'm fine!"
Her, furrowing brow: "You don't need a ride or anything?"
Me, smiling: "Nope, I'm just--"
Her, dismayed: "You're just--" (pause) "--taking a walk?"
Me: "Yep!"
He: "Well, it's just that I saw the baby, and I thought--"
Me: "Oh, we're ok, thank you!"
Her: "It's just--" (pause) "--it's cold out."
Me: "Oh! Um..."
Her: "Yeah, it's very cold for a baby to be..." (at this point, she was shaking her head and speaking to me as though I was twelve.)
Me (perplexed): "It's sixty degrees!"
She sighed, literally threw up her hands, and drove away. When I got home, I checked. It was sixty-four degrees. Am I crazy? Isn't that a perfectly baby-friendly temperature? The woman had a "Baby on Board" decal in her window, and she can't have been more than five years older than me, so what the hell? How is this a reasonable thing to say to a stranger?
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A few weeks ago DH was "other mothered" by a woman at the supermarket. He went for a quick run into the store with Josh, who had bare feet, and while he was shopping he heard this woman behind him say, "OMG, where is that baby's shoes and socks?!" and when he turned around another woman said, "It wasn't me, it was her!" and pointed at another woman, who said, "ummm, errr, he just looks cold." DH gave her a look, reached down to feel his feet and said, "He's fine," and walked away.
I don't get why other people think it is any of their business. Believe me, if my child is uncomfortable he'll let us know. He's a natural heater and kicks off his blankets in the night, bare feet while he is INDOORS is not going to hurt him.
Oh, and I've taken Josh for walks in colder weather than 60 degrees and when he was less than a year old. I just made sure we were both dressed appropriately. I tend to think it is healthy to get outside, but what do I know *rolls eyes*
I wonder whether other-mothering is all about the OM's own insecurity re herself or parenting - and has little or nothing to do with those to whom comments are directed... It IS inappropriate and annoying!!!!
Well, you know the phrase "mother knows best"... It is supposed to be that mother knows best for her own kids, but some moms seem to take it as mother knows best for all kids everywhere. :( You are an awesome mom!
Holy Moses! I can't believe someone did that to you! Thats horrible.
Why do people have to get in other people's business?? I just don't understand!! And 60 degrees is wonderful weather for a walk!!
Um, Paige, should you be blogging right now? It's just that, well, this is time that could be spent teaching Lea about the Great Schism or the Cyrillic alphabet. But if you want to squander this formative time, that's your business. Hmph!
And you thought "other mothers" had to be female!
Oh, yes, it used to happen to us at the mall - especially when we had a whole slew of kids and moms playing in the "kid pit" - older ladies would ask us if we knew where our own kids were!
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